Sunday, February 21, 2010

Memories to carry...

when i thought i had nothing going for me,
i didn't know where i was going in life, what i was here for, and what not.
And then i decided to change my lifestyle- to forget about everything that has happened and start new.
But then i wondered, you can't really start new. And why should you start new.
I remember this scene in One Tree Hill and Lucas and Kieth moves away to start a new life in Charlotte, but then Dan had a heart attack and they came back.
I want to start anew- to just forget and start all over. Forget everything.
But then I wonder if there that is the best option.
Wouldn't it be better to fix the problem instead of ignoring it?
Instead of making new friends, fix the problems with your past friends?

I had a small holiday for the past two days. I left home and went down to the beach with a few of my friends and just enjoyed their presence without thinking about my life back up here. And it worked, i barely thought of what was happening up here, and i could laugh and smile without forcing myself.
That trip to the beach came at a really good time.
And now that i'm back, i can start this new regime for a better life.

I don't want to forget. As much as i like to take the easy way out, I don't want to forget it.
"...but you know there's something I believe. I want to try and live my life carrying all my memories with me. And even if those memories are painful, even if they do nothing but hurt me, I want to keep them. Even those memories I sometimes wish I could forget. As long as I cary them with me, as long as I can keep holding on, then someday I'll be strong enough that those memories don't hurt me anymore, and I'll be glad that I have them. Thats what I believe with all my heart. Thats why all my memories are precious to me, I don't think it would be okay to forget a single one."

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