I love me!!

I have never dieted before, and no matter how many times i say I would diet, I don't. because i know that i don't need to diet. I just need to eat healthier. I once weighed myself and found that my weight, in relation to my height, i just made it into the "healthy" range.

I understand that people need to diet
I understand that some people need too.

I understand that some people will never think they are skinny enough
I understand
I really do.

I understand that some people think they're fat.

What I don't get is my friends, who think they're fat.
When they're not!!
They are the proportioned. None of them needs to go on a diet.
Maybe eating healthier like me, but not on a full on diet where they want to lose 10 kgs.
This is not what i want my friends to be (I'm sorry, but i don't)
i want them to love the body they have
I want them to cherish their bodies
What they have, and what they don't have.
You can't enjoy life at the fullest, if you don't love yourself.
You can't expect people to love you, if you first don't love yourself.

I dont think I can hang out and eat with people who counts the calories in everything they eat.
it's annoying
and I won't be able to enjoy myself.
That's not how I want my night out to be- where I can't enjoy my steak because the person in front of me is only eating salad and counting the calories in every tomato that they put in their mouth.

self-confidence
to love oneself

that is what I want.
I have just began to love the way I am.
I wish that people around me will love the way they are too.
Embrace what your mama gave you~

Spff.

It's four thirty in the morning, and i had spent that last hour and a half trying to get back to bed.
At four, i realize that i'm just too wide awake to be able to fall asleep again.
So, this is where it leaves me:

Sitting in front of the computer in the living room. Turning to look at the window every to seconds. Watching the world waking itself up, and wonder how... since there are massive grey clouds in the early summer sky.
Hearing birds chirping, watching the leaves sway in the gentle breeze.
...wanting...
......wanting to join the birds and sing an early morning song~

-This is my life~

For Ever.....

Friends...
some comes and goes
others stay forever.
some stupidly cheat you
others cherish you and treat you like you're part of their family.

This is a shout out to my friends.

I didn't think i would of been able to make a long-term friend.
believing that they would soon find out i'm not interesting enough and leave.
but during my years- from highschool and through uni; i've been blessed with the opportunity to be able to meet a wide range of people from all over the world. All with different personalities, different takes on life...

but to be able to find those few from the millions of people you meet throughout your life- those few that stands out from everyone else.

I'm blessed to have met my few. The three girls and two boys who I was able to meet. How we met, i can't remember it anymore, but i don't care about how we met, its the fact that we met, and that they've became my family.

I want to thank them for always looking after me. For always treating me as family. For always teasing me and picking on me. And for being there for me through the tough times.
I don't know what i would've done without you guys.

these five shares my dreams with me. It might not be the same as theirs, but they're always beside me when i dream.
though i know they do judge me when i can't spell/speak properly, they don't make me feel more stupid then i already feel
they're there for me to spill out my daily hatred of the world, and they will, instead of hitting me in the head and tell me to get over myself, join me in hating the world.

I hope that one day, I will be able to show you guys how much you mean to me.
I hope we will be friends forever

(I know we will, since we made a pact that if we're not taken by 35- we'll join together and live together with our cats/dogs/life size dolls) =P

Things i don't like about myself...no more a secret!!

Wow, that's a pretty harsh title for a post, but that's basically what this is about. I'm not talking about the superficial things I don't like about myself - I can get over that stuff. I'm talking about the fundamentals, those things at the core of your personality that make you shudder when you think of them. There are a ton of things I do that I'm not proud of. Lately, they've been creeping up in my personal life a lot. As much as I want to change them, some of them I think I'm stuck with, but others I'd like to work on. Here are the top 2:

1. I'm a coward. No, seriously I am. I am incredibly spineless when it comes to everything, especially with my friends. I don't like having difficult conversations and so I just don't have them. I ignore things I don't like, shove them from my mind and instead focus on the positive. The problem is, those things always bubble up to the surface and when they do, they explode. I'm not the kind of girl that has several little nitpicky fights with my friends. I'm the girl who you'll know for years and never have a single fight and then one day I'll either just stop talking to you or worse, we'll have the mother of all fights and years of issues will come spewing out of my mouth. This is really not good. I need to learn to tell people how I feel, for better or for worse. The funny thing is that I have no problem with blunt honesty directed at me, but I can't seem to dish it out. I need to work on this, especially since I can't imagine being in a real relationship with someone and not being able to be honest with them.
2. I can be spiteful and petty and I have a wicked tongue. People who don't really know me think I'm a very nice girl. But, I'll let you in on a secret - I'm not really a very nice girl. I am a B***. I can be really evil and I learned from the best. My mother is one of the meanest people I've ever met, and while I'm never that outwardly mean to anyone, I have a sharp, sarcastic sense of humor and I could probably make you cry if I wanted to. While I don't normally unleash the full extent of my evilness on anyone, sometimes when I'm mad I can say some really hurtful things. I also focus a lot on people and what makes them tick. This can be used positively, for gift-buying or compliments, but it can also be used to hurt people. I know exactly what button to push to drive people off the deep end. I usually don't use this, but if I'm hurt or someone has scorned me, I can be pretty nasty. I'm not worried about this one so much because I think the more honest I am with people, the less resentful I will be and then there will be no need to be brash. But, I still recognize that this is a weakness.

Both of these negatives keep popping up in my life and I'm not sure what to do about them. I try so hard to be liked by everyone and to please everyone and not to rock the boat (see: #1), but then something always goes wrong and I feel this need to lash out (see: #2). What's a girl to do?

Not done yet...

Row row row your boat 
the journeys' half done
the morning is yet to come 
still time for the rising sun

Dark doubts cloud over the horizon
a trace of fear, a hint of uncertainity 
add more meaning to the black eternity

But all these fade away
no more with the wind you sway
when you conjure up an iron will
and push like hell towards the distant hill

So you row row row your boat 
the journeys' half done
the morning is yet to come 
still time for the rising sun

In the pitch black darkness you see clearly
the green grass the dotted trees 
the temple on the hill and the monkeys
on the beach kids play and scream 
all vividly in your dream

Your doubts were mistaken, you realise
you'll always have good company
never did you think you'll come this far
but just look up, theres always with you the northern star

So you row row row your boat 
the journeys' half done
the morning is yet to come 
still time for the rising sun